By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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