Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
