Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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