it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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