so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
