okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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