I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
