I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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