i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
