Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
