that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
