yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
