I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
