Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
