i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I could fuck to npr.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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