My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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