It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
