wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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