I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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