Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize