2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
