I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
