New low: just hacked my moms facebook
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize