We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We are all done wearing pants today
Holy shit dude........stairs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
