yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
