you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
false alarm, still single
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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