I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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