Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
