So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
