Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
