hotel room ftw
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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