Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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