dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
