So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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