So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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