I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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