you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
