ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
