my mouth tastes like poor choices
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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