Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
