Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
