i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it penis luge time yet?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
