you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
