So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
