you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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