Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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