Define "chronic" masturbator.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
