My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
