I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
