I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
