DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
