O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
