Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
