I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
