Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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