I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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