She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
