Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
