waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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