Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize