i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
