Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
