i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
