When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
