bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize