Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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