I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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