He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize