my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
third nipple confirmed
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
