My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
