no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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