Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
