He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
