my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
