this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
