Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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