i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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