I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
