You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize